


Idolatry and Virtue

by cher



Category: Northern Exposure
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 14:28:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13125612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cher/pseuds/cher
Summary: Ed's making a new movie. It's about Chris. Joel can't stay away.





	Idolatry and Virtue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladygray99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladygray99/gifts).



> With grateful thanks to ExtraPenguin for beta assistance.

This time, Joel had given in and brought a thermos and a sandwich. 

With his scarf pulled high and his hat pulled low, he inched the back door open and crept quietly into the theatre. The now-familiar rush of excitement hit him as he quietly settled into a seat in the back row. 

Ed gave him a quick grin and a wave, then went back to looking intently through his camera. 

Joel couldn't seem to stop himself coming back here every spare minute, and he’d decided enough was enough. He'd looked at himself hard in the mirror this morning and decided to just accept it. It was clearly useless to try to pretend he'd stay away. He’d spent this last week sternly telling himself that nothing could possibly be this interesting, and yet back he came like some obsessed loon. So, thermos. Acceptance. Blame something in the Cicely air, again. 

It was just so compelling. 

There he was; Chris in his prison outfit, sitting quietly in his ‘cell’ and reading a book. Every so often, Ed would pause his filming to change his tape, or adjust the lighting, or ask Chris to stare soulfully into the camera. 

And this had been holding Joel’s attention for days. He quietly unwrapped his sandwich, not wanting to take his eyes off of Chris for a second. 

*

“So what is it, Fleischman?” Maggie demanded later, as Joel slid onto a stool at the bar. “Are you pining? Is this what went wrong with Elaine? What you really wanted all along was a leading man?”

Joel felt himself pinking up, curse his pale skin. “No, O’Connell! And what do you mean, just coming out with something like that? Have a little sensitivity, why don’t you! I loved Elaine,” he finished quietly. 

Maggie, for once, looked a little ashamed of herself. “It’s just not normal, Fleischman. No one’s seen you outside your clinic in days! You missed Holling’s moose steak night, and you didn’t even come over for the mini-golf tournament. You love the mini-golf tournament!”

Holling plunked a beer down in from of him, nodding seriously, and Joel nodded back in thanks. He took a hearty swallow; he needed it. “I don’t know, Maggie, there’s just something about it,” and he could _feel_ himself getting overexcited and starting to babble, but he just couldn’t help it. “It’s just … compelling. I can’t look away. I mean, I should be able to look away, because literally nothing happens; I am compelled to watch a guy I know—and I might maybe admit to a small crush, but who doesn’t have that to admit to; he’s our local celebrity!—who I can stare at any day of the week but usually _don’t_ , and he’s just. Sitting. There. Turning pages now and again. But really, that is what it boils down to. I, a usually sane New Yorker, usually immune to your town lunacy, have caught it, and now I have to sit in on a home-made movie set apparently until the movie is done, because I cannot prevent myself from watching a man read a book and another man film it. That is what my life has come to, O’Connell, but this morning I decided to just accept it, so here I am.” He smiled, took another drink and sighed happily. There was really something to this whole acceptance idea. 

Maggie blinked. She was used to his monologues, but even he could admit that one had been something. “O-kay then. I guess there’s no fun teasing you if you’ve accepted it. Phooey.” She looked actually put out, which made Joel’s day improve immediately. Annoyed O’Connell! Score one for him. 

“It’s just,” he tried again, willing to try explaining now that Maggie wasn’t on the attack, “it feels _important_ , what Ed’s doing. And I just have to be there, so I can be part of it, even if I’m just the guy who shows up with the sandwiches. I mean, have you looked in at all? Chris is … it’s like, he’s stopped being Our Chris, who wakes us up every morning and sometimes wears a tutu for a week because it’s a social experiment, and who walked into a door last month because he was distracted by a cloud. I mean really, a cloud. Now he’s Chris Stevens, Philosopher of the Wilds. Like, Ed’s making an entire movie about him, and at first I thought it was ridiculous because, I mean, the guy lives in a trailer, and gets distracted by clouds, but now I come to think about it he’s pretty amazing, right? I mean, how many people do you meet who’ve had the kind of life he’s had, really? It’s kind of fascinating. 

“And Ed! It’s like, this vision he’s following, this huge idea that’s changed Chris into … Chris, the Guy With the Story, that’s all Ed. I had no idea that film could be so powerful. It’s really pretty amazing, O’Connell, maybe you should drop by too.” Joel hoped she wouldn’t. He kind of liked being the only inside man. 

She shook her head. “Nah. One visit was enough for me. Too stuffy in there and really, nothing happens. I don’t have your … compulsion, sorry.” She paused, and patted his hand. “But I’m really happy you’re embracing this side of you, Fleischman. I think it’s good for you.” 

Joel watched her as she strode out the door, purposeful as always. “What side of me, O’Connell? _O’Connell_?” She didn’t pause, of course. He sighed. Now he’d keep thinking about it. Score one for her. 

*

“Good morning, fellow citizens, fellow travellers on this path we call life. You’re listening to KBHR right here in Cicely, Alaska, and this is your regular dose of Chris in the Morning. 

“And I know some of you have heard that our resident auteur Ed Chigliak is hard at work on his latest project. It doesn’t have a title yet, but it’s about … well, it’s about me. Your very own Chris Stevens out by the lake. 

“And, you know, when Ed first asked if I’d help him make a movie about my life, I had to ask him for a couple of days to think about it. It’s a big request and it deserved some dedicated thought. On the one hand, it seemed like ultimate vanity to not only help write, but to star in a movie about myself. On the other hand, I’m the person I am today as a direct result of my encounters with the words and deeds of other men and women before me, so then maybe, who am I to deny others the chance to learn from me in turn? Just because I don’t think I’m all that remarkable doesn’t mean I might not be some future Chris’ Kirkegaard. And so in that light, it seems the ultimate act of humility to allow my life to be examined, warts and all, on the big screen. 

“And isn’t that just life in all its glorious contradictions. I had to weigh up those two equally true and equally opposite things, and I came down on the side of the common man. Should it turn out that the vanity angle was more likely, then the only one to suffer, ultimately, will be myself. But should it be the humility argument that turns out to be truer in the long run, than it’s mankind that’s the poorer if I don’t tell my story. So on those odds, I decided to do it. 

“And it’s been a lot of fun. Ed is a great director to work with, and I’m really feeling the scenes he’s got me running. 

“But there’s another side to movie stardom, and it’s the fans. I want to take a moment to thank everyone who’s dropped by the set to watch, lend their support, maybe bring us a sandwich. It’s long, hard work, making art, and art only thrives in a community that supports it. So thank you, Cicely. 

“But I also want to say, to anyone who might be feeling differently toward me or Ed, now that we’re working on this project—celebrity is a strange thing and it affects people in odd ways. I want to acknowledge that, and to tell you it’s okay if you’re experiencing feelings that you’re not used to. It’s normal and it’s natural, and if you need to talk it out, I’m here for you. 

“So if you’ve been feeling hot under the collar and you don’t know why, consider what Immanuel Kant said: objectification and sexual desire are inseparable. And what is more objectifying than being a movie star? So, I mean, thinking about a little man on man action is nothing to worry about. 

“So for all you fans out there, this one’s for you. You might recognise it from that great cinematic classic, _Goodfellas_.”

The Crystals’ _And Then He Kissed Me_ played smoothly across Cicely, and Joel smiled to himself. Acceptance was completely the way to go.


End file.
